If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
