i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
