I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
