I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
