I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
