You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
