I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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