i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
