No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Small penises have feelings too.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
