I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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