Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
