I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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