Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love having hate sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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