What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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