im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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