ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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