Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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