It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
