I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
