she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
