worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
