I saw his package. It spoke to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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