She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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