This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
