I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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