i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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