Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize