I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
