I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
