just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
