I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
