my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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