you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
