Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
