What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
