I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
