she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
