oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
