If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Blood and glitter go together right?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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