Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
