My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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