I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
