im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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