I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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