dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
