I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
