he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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