Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
