Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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