Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
