his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
