is wine microwaveable?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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