I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
