i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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