my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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