apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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