It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
