About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
