I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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