So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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