my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
