Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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