I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
