I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
