So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
