As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
