Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I look better un-naked...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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