Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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