I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
