I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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