The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
