wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
